I don’t care what you feed your kids. OK, I do, but Im not going to preach to you about it.

I don’t care if you breast feed or bottle feed or family bed or cry it out. How you screw up your kids is your own damn business. That’s how I feel about most things.

Except when your kids are little beasts to my kids because they haven’t been taught decent manners or respect. Because then they turn into big beasts and are rude to cashiers and teachers, are dangerous on the roads since their time is much more important than everyone else’s, and are generally the type of human beings that make God want to pull the plug on this whole damn thing.

But most of you are really good parents and try really hard. So, I’m going to say this:

If your friend, or even not a friend, just a parent at the park says that their child has food allergies — peanuts or milk what have you — and your child is eating that food and smearing it on the playground slide or handing out to kids– stop him! It is literally a potentially lethal weapon for the other child!

A serious food allergy is not a food sensitivity.

It’s not diarrhea she’s facing — it’s anaphylactic shock.

It’s not a rash, it’s a closed throat.

If someone says that their child is deathly allergic to something — don’t be a douche and talk about your heartburn from ranch nachos. Don’t wax poetic about your lactose intolerance or slight gluten sensitivity. The two are incomparable.

Understand this: if a child has a serious food allergy, that mother suffers. She must be on guard. All. The. Time.

She must separate her child from other children, carry an EpiPen wherever she goes, read labels obsessively, bring her own food all of the time because she knows that most of the food served can send her kid to the hospital…and argue with every idiot that tells her why its really not a big deal.

Try to be a bit sympathetic and keep the things that can kill her kid away — act as though it was Clorox for your kid.

If a child in your kid’s school has an allergy, send your kids with an alternative food — there’s allota choice out there, people. Trust me, I’ve seen the Triscuit aisle.

Be decent and understanding. Don’t be a douche.

People die from food allergies. Really. Look it up.

A little sensitivity won’t cost you much, and it will mean worlds to her. It could even save her kid’s life.